Navigating Life Transitions | YMyHealth

Rebekah Lipsky, LMHC, LPC, LCPC

In this insightful Q&A, integrative therapist Rebekah Lipsky shares her expertise on handling major life changes common among millennials and young professionals. With eight years of experience and specialties in life transitions, neurodivergence, anxiety, and depression, Rebekah offers valuable perspectives on embracing change and moving forward during challenging times.

What are some of the most common transitions you see with millennials?

Rebekah Lipsky: There are quite a few common transitions I see. Career changes are frequent - whether that's seeking advancement within the same field or realizing you want something completely different from what you studied in college.

Relationship transitions are another major area, including engagements, marriages, and having children - but also breakups, called-off engagements, and divorces. As a personal example, I called off my own engagement a few years ago.

We're also at an age where our parents are aging, which creates another transition. Some people have already experienced the untimely loss of a parent, while others are noticing physical or mental declines that change those relationships or require a different kind of caregiving.

Finally, geographic moves are common, sometimes connected to job or relationship changes, but sometimes simply because people want to revamp their lives.

How are these transitions different for millennials compared to previous generations?

Our generation has experienced this wonderful new wave of emphasis on mental health, which comes with conversations about doing what fulfills you and what makes you happy. Previous generations were conditioned differently - find a good job and stay until retirement, get married and make it work.

That's not to say we're trying to wreak havoc on every relationship and job! But for the changes we initiate, there's often this undercurrent of "this doesn't fulfill me anymore" or "this relationship isn't healthy."

We also have so many more mental health resources available - therapists, self-help podcasts, books - that simply didn't exist for older generations.

The work landscape has changed dramatically too. COVID normalized remote work, allowing people to live in dream cities while keeping their jobs. There are also countless new career paths, especially around social media and digital content, that let people craft more flexible, dynamic careers that didn't exist before.

How do you help clients navigate career transitions?

I do extensive values work with my clients using a framework called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Rather than focusing immediately on specific job titles, I start with the person themselves - what are your values? What's meaningful to you in life and specifically in your career?

Some people thrive with interpersonal interactions, while others prefer working independently. By clarifying these values first, we can explore options that truly align with who they are, whether that's one career track or piecing together different roles.

If someone has a pattern of frequently changing jobs, we examine what's behind that. Is it consistently poor management? Mental health challenges like depression or low self-esteem? Inadequate compensation? By looking holistically at the situation, we can determine what needs fine-tuning so they can find fulfilling work without the stress of constant change.

How do you approach helping people with relationship transitions?

When it comes to romantic relationships, I work with people who are questioning whether to end their relationship and those whose partner has ended things with them. While there's overlap in the emotional pain, the conversations can look different.

For those questioning their relationship, I use values work again - does being in this partnership support the values you have for the life you want to live? Does the partnership itself align with your values for what a relationship should be? I also check for emotional and physical safety, consistent happiness, and patterns of interaction.

When I called off my own engagement due to broken trust, I noticed we had begun celebrating when we had a "good day" because those had become rare. The norm had shifted to arguing and me crying all the time.

For people rebuilding after a relationship ends (whether they ended it or were left), I focus on empowerment. Without diminishing their grief, anger, or sadness, we work on getting clear about values to help chart a new direction.

With family transitions, I often help with boundaries work. We explore what's interfering with wellbeing, how it manifests physically and mentally, and what greater peace would look and feel like. Then we build a bridge toward that state.

How can someone support a friend or loved one going through a difficult transition?

The person going through the transition should try to let close people know they're struggling, as others might not realize how much pain they're in, especially if they haven't experienced a similar transition.

As a friend, directly ask how you can best support them: "Do you need advice, someone to listen, or just distraction? Would you like to talk through things or watch a show together to take your mind off it?"

Sometimes even simple gestures make a huge difference. When I was going through my multiple transitions, just receiving a "thinking of you" text would help fill my cup a bit. It didn't solve everything but gave me more strength to continue.

Show through your actions that you're truly there for them, not just saying it. And for the person going through the transition, it's okay to specifically ask for what you need: "I don't need to be listened to right now; I need advice from someone who's been through this."

What would you say to someone who feels "left behind" when they see others going through life transitions on social media?

First, I validate that feeling because it is real. I've felt it myself and still do in certain areas. It feels that way because of conventional societal messages about where we're "supposed to be" at certain ages.

What I emphasize is that those standards don't consider context. Someone might need to take time off college for mental health reasons, which was absolutely the best thing for them. COVID affected countless plans. People get sick, receive unexpected diagnoses, or face other challenges that alter their timelines.

These societal messages have no nuance - they can't possibly account for what all eight billion people on this planet are experiencing. For women especially, there are biological considerations that add complexity.

I remind people that there's no one-size-fits-all scenario. We're all functioning in unique contexts, both at macro levels like global events and micro levels like our personal health and relationships.

When should someone consider getting professional help with transitions?

I recommend seeking help when difficult emotions start interfering with your functioning. We all inevitably feel difficult emotions - I use "difficult" purposely because I don't believe in labeling them "good" or "bad." These feelings help guide us toward what we need and make us human.

But sometimes these emotions cross a threshold where they genuinely get in our way. Maybe you're constantly feeling physically activated and can't calm down. Perhaps you're snapping at loved ones frequently or not accomplishing things at your usual rate.

Everyone has their own metric for determining when something is truly interfering with their life, but that's the general barometer I use. The impact might be mental, physiological, or both, and it affects not just how you feel internally but how you interact with the external world.

What's one piece of advice you'd share about handling transitions?

For most transitions, discomfort is unavoidable no matter what you choose. If you're contemplating initiating a change, there's discomfort in the contemplation - fear, anxiety, doubt - and also discomfort in actually going through with it. But the former keeps you stuck while the latter moves you forward.

Similarly, with unexpected changes like losing a loved one, it's uncomfortable to avoid and suppress your feelings, and it's also uncomfortable to face your grief. Again, avoidance keeps you stuck, while facing it helps you heal.

I'm honest with my clients: this work is uncomfortable either way. The goal isn't to eliminate discomfort but to recognize that you have power in this situation. You are the agent of change, not the circumstance itself. I help unlock and access that power so you can move forward, knowing it won't always feel this difficult.

When I went through my own triple transition - calling off my engagement, leaving my job of six years to start my private practice, and moving to a new city - it was incredibly challenging. But three years later, I can attest to the triumphs and how I made all those areas of my life better. It's absolutely possible, even when it feels impossibly hard.

Want to hear more from Rebekah Lipsky? Listen to the YMyHealth podcast!

Navigating Life Transitions: A Q&A with Therapist Rebekah Lipsky