How To Deal with the Loss of a Loved One
Written by Brandon Ruse
Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of life, and the grief that follows can be an overwhelming experience, especially for millennials and Gen Z. In this blog post, we will explore how millennials can navigate the complex emotions and challenges that come with the loss of a loved one.
From understanding the grief process to practicing self-care, managing relationships to handling practical matters, and ultimately moving forward, we'll provide valuable insights on how to deal with the loss of a loved one, including tips to help people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s cope with the profound loss they may encounter.
Understanding the Grief Process
Grief is a journey that unfolds differently for each individual. The five stages of grief, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, are common experiences. However, millennials and Gen Z may approach grief differently due to their unique upbringing and the digital age they live in.
YMyHealth sat down with New York City School Psychologist, Helen Lambos, who sadly lost her father in 2016 to dementia that progressed to Alzheimer’s Disease. She was only 35 years old at the time.
“Suffering is different for everyone,” Lambos said. While this is very true because of factors including the type of health condition that led to the loss, whether or not the loss was unexpected or the age you are when you lose a loved one, grief has a standard set of phases that at some point everyone experiencing loss goes through.
The Five Stages of Grief
The five stages of grief, as proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are widely recognized as a framework to understand the emotional journey individuals go through after a loss.
While it's important to note that not everyone experiences these stages in a linear or sequential manner, they provide insight into common emotional responses:
Denial: This initial stage often involves shock and disbelief. It acts as a defense mechanism to protect individuals from overwhelming emotions, allowing them time to process the reality of the loss at their own pace.
Anger: As reality sinks in, anger may arise as a response to feelings of injustice, confusion, or frustration.
Bargaining: During this stage, individuals may seek to regain control by making deals or seeking meaning in the loss. They may engage in thoughts like "If only I had done this differently" or attempt to negotiate with a higher power. It's important to understand that bargaining is a normal part of the grief process.
Depression: Feelings of sadness, emptiness, and a deep sense of loss are common in this stage. It's essential to recognize the difference between grief-related depression and clinical depression. Seeking professional help can provide guidance and support through this challenging phase.
Acceptance: This stage doesn't mean forgetting or moving on from the loss but rather finding a way to integrate it into one's life. Acceptance involves acknowledging the reality of the situation, adjusting to the new normal, and finding meaning and purpose beyond grief.
How Millennials May Experience Grief Differently
Millennials may experience grief differently compared to previous generations due to various factors. In fact, dealing with loss of a loved one is an individualized experience, meaning you may feel completely different than your siblings or others who may experience losing the same loved one.
Here are a few ways millennials may experience grief differently:
Staying connected
Possessing digital memorabilia of their loved one
Seeking online support
Engaging in alternative therapies
The loss of a parent may complicate or even elongate the grieving process for millennials as many are totally unprepared to lose a parent or caregiver and may need more time to move through each of the grief stages (often at their own pace).
Lambos knows all about the stages and challenges of dealing with grief and loss. She cared for her father from her mid-twenties until her mid-thirties when he passed away. The loss she experienced with her father was ongoing for those 10 years until the day he passed away.
“Being younger when my parents got sick, and my father passed away, meant I missed out on a lot of things I would have been doing at that age, but it meant having the energy to take care of him and give him the best care I could, because although you could hire care (which is costly) it is never the same as the care you would provide,” Lambos said.
She added, “I often say I don’t know how I would’ve done it if I were older. My father was very active, he’d wander and leave the house at all hours of the night. He needed constant supervision. There is a tradeoff and everything happens for a reason.”
Helen Lambos
Coping Mechanisms for Different Stages of Grief
While each person's grief journey is unique, there are coping mechanisms that can help individuals navigate the different stages of grief and promote healing. Here are some strategies that may be beneficial:
Seek Support
Practice Self-Care
Express Your Emotions
Honor Your Loved One’s Memory
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation
Set Realistic Expectations
The Importance of Self-Care
Grief is an emotionally and physically taxing experience, making self-care an essential aspect of the healing process. Taking care of yourself while navigating the loss of a loved one is crucial for your well-being.
The connection between grief and self-care
When you're grieving the loss of a loved one, it's easy to neglect your own needs while focusing on processing your emotions. However, practicing self-care allows you to replenish your energy, reduce stress, and support your overall healing.
“When you are a caregiver, it is very difficult but necessary to engage in self-care. If it weren’t for friends forcing me and reminding me to do that, and making it possible for me to engage in self-care, I would not have,” Lambos said. “The mental, emotional, and physical exertion is exhausting and draining.”
Tips for Self-Care During the Grieving Process
What works for you and what may work for another member of your family or a friend may be different. Here are a few tips for self-care during your grieving process (remember, it is normal and acceptable if you want to integrate one, or none, of the self-care tips below):
Acknowledge and Validate Your Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel the range of emotions that accompany grief. It's okay to experience sadness, anger, or confusion. Allow yourself to express these emotions in a healthy and safe manner.
Prioritize Physical Well-being: Grief can take a toll on your physical health. Make sure to nourish your body with nutritious meals, engage in regular exercise or gentle movement, and get sufficient restorative sleep. Physical well-being can positively impact your emotional resilience.
Engage in Relaxation Techniques: Explore relaxation techniques that resonate with you, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, or mindfulness practices. These activities can help calm your mind, reduce anxiety, and provide moments of peace amid the grief.
Seek Solace in Nature: Spending time outdoors, connecting with nature, and immersing yourself in its healing presence can provide solace and a sense of connection. Take walks in the park, sit by the beach, or simply breathe in fresh air in natural surroundings.
Express Yourself Creatively: Engaging in creative outlets, such as journaling, painting, playing music, or crafting, can be therapeutic and help you process your emotions. These activities provide a means of self-expression and offer a healthy outlet for your grief.
Seeking Help When Needed
During the grieving process, it's essential to recognize when you may need additional support. Don't hesitate to seek help from professionals, such as therapists or counselors who specialize in grief and loss. They can provide guidance, a safe space for expression, and strategies to navigate the complexities of grief.
Common psychological effects of death of a loved one include:
Grief and mourning
Intense sadness and emotional pain
Anxiety or fear of the future
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Social withdrawal or isolation
Lambos and her dad.
Navigating Relationships with Family and Friends
Grief not only affects individuals personally but also impacts their relationships with family and friends. Navigating these relationships during the grieving process can be challenging, but with understanding and open communication, it's possible to find support and connection.
The Role of Support Systems During the Grieving Process
Support systems play a crucial role in providing comfort and solace during times of loss. Lean on your loved ones for emotional support, share memories of the deceased, and allow yourself to receive their care. Surrounding yourself with compassionate and understanding individuals can help alleviate feelings of isolation.
Challenges in Communicating with Family and Friends
Grief can strain relationships as individuals may experience grief differently and have varying coping mechanisms. It's common to encounter challenges in communication, misunderstandings, or a lack of empathy. Recognize that everyone processes grief differently and be patient with yourself and others.
Tips for Managing Relationships While Grieving
Here are a few tips to help you manage relationships while you’re grieving:
Practice Open Communication
Set Boundaries
Seek Professional Mediation if Necessary
Be Mindful of Others' Grief
Handling Practical Matters
While grieving, it's important to address the practical matters that arise following the loss of a loved one. Taking care of these responsibilities can provide a sense of closure and help you move forward while honoring their memory.
Dealing with your loved one’s clothes and belongings can be a healthy part of grieving. Lambos used giving to honor her father’s memory.
“My father was a veteran, so I donated a lot of his clothing to the Veterans’ Home. It made me feel good to know someone else who served our country would benefit from my father, who also served our country,” Lambos said.
Financial and Legal Considerations after the Loss of a Loved One or Parent
There are several financial and legal considerations after the loss of a loved one or parent, including:
Consult Professionals
Notify Relevant Parties
Gather Important Documents
Coping with the Logistical Aspects of a Loved One's Passing
Create a Support Network:
Reach out to family members, friends, or support groups who can assist with logistical tasks. Delegate responsibilities such as funeral arrangements, notifications, or organizing the memorial service.
Take One Step at a Time:
The practical aspects of dealing with a loved one's passing can be overwhelming. Break down tasks into manageable steps and prioritize what needs to be done first. Focus on one task at a time and ask for help when needed.
How to Move Forward While Honoring Their Memory
Preserve Their Legacy:
Find meaningful ways to honor the memory of your loved one. This could involve creating a tribute, establishing a scholarship or charitable foundation in their name, or participating in activities they were passionate about.
Allow Yourself to Heal:
Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting or letting go of your loved one. Healing is a personal journey, and giving yourself time and space to grieve is important.
Moving Forward
Acceptance is a critical stage of grief. Moving forward does not mean forgetting your loved one or diminishing the significance of their presence in your life. It's about finding ways to embrace life and find joy while carrying their memory in your heart.
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